How to offer support to a loved one battling cancer

 

 

Cancer is a horrible disease that ruins lives and devastates families. No matter what technological and medical advances are developed, cancer still perseveres, taking hundreds of thousands of lives each year. Cancer mortality has actually been slightly declining each year, and this raises the need for loved ones to support those in treatment who are living with the disease.

 

The physical strain of cancer and its treatment

Cancer is a decidedly physical disease. Not only does the condition affect patients’ bodies, many treatments weaken patients on a devastating level. Take, for instance, the rigors of chemotherapy. This treatment works by killing cancer cells with poison, effectively poisoning the patient just enough to suppress the disease while not destroying the body.

Those living with cancer often are weak and need help handling routine tasks, from getting out of bed, to walking to the car for treatment appointments. Family and friends can help cancer patients persevere through the pain and discomfort of the disease and its treatment.

 

How a cancer diagnosis affects a patient mentally

In addition to the physical stress of the disease and its treatment, cancer is emotionally crippling. Even though more and more cancers are treatable, if not curable, we still fear cancer as a terminal disease. For most, receiving a cancer diagnosis is an existential moment. We begin to seriously consider our deaths as a real possibility—for some, this may be the first time this is considered. A cancer diagnosis can create feelings of despair and anxiety. These mental stresses can be almost as debilitating as the disease and treatments.

 

You can help your loved one work through despair simply by showing up and providing support.

 

Navigating depression and despair

When a cancer patient is depressed, it may be tough to cheer them up. As a family member or loved one, it may be hard to verbalize optimism. You cannot tell them that it’s going to get better, or that they will weather the storm. This can make discussing the emotional problems related to cancer difficult. Here are some tips on how to help your loved one deal with the stress of cancer:

• Say nothing special, other than expressing your love. Often, a cancer patient is not looking for reassuring words. They need your love and support and do not expect you to tell them that miracles will save the day.
• When there are victories and positive steps, rejoice with them but be careful not to create unrealistic expectations. Optimistic pragmatism is essential in cancer treatment. If their doctor says that a new treatment is working, share their joy but do not overstate its importance.
• Remind your loved one of small positive things, such as how children are doing or how beautiful the weather is. Cancer patients may want you to be a distraction from their difficult struggle.

 

Helping a loved one find joy

Often, family members can help cancer patients be present in the moment. Remind your loved ones of the beauty of life, and help them focus on today. If today was a good day, revel in it. If it was a rough one, talk optimistically about tomorrow. One of the best ways you can help your loved one is to try to focus on whatever conversations bring up good feelings. Steer conversations to topics of interest, such as sports, children, and family. If your loved one has a hobby, such as knitting, ask about any recent projects.

 

Your loved one may want to discuss their disease and treatment, or they may not. Whatever topics they bring up in discussion, actively engage them. Make sure to give them an active role in your relationship. Instead of treating your loved one like a sad person who is helpless, ask for advice just as you would a healthy friend or family member. This way you can help them see beyond their disease into the other areas of life in which they can be helpful and relevant.

 

Being there as a friend

Sometimes the best support you can provide is just your presence. Stay in contact. Everyone’s lives are hectic, and we all have our problems and issues, but your regular connection to your cancer-afflicted loved one is crucial. Short frequent visits are best. When you visit infrequently but for a longer duration, your loved one will not receive the same benefit of regular short visits. They may not want to host someone for hours but will be happy to see your face for a brief while.

 

And when it comes to visits, make sure you call before dropping in. Especially with the rollercoaster of physical stress and emotional pain of cancer, your loved one may not want to see visitors. Call them even if you establish a routine of regular visits. Cancer does not follow a schedule.

 

When you meet with your loved one, ask questions. Provide honest opinions. Don’t say “you look great today” if they look horrible. Resist giving medical advice or even seemingly innocuous tips on what they should be eating. Your purpose is not to be a part of their medical care team, but as their emotional support regiment.

 

The benefits of spirituality

For some cancer patients, a connection with their spirituality can help them cope with the disease. If your family is religious, include your loved one in your worship. Don’t push spiritual matters but be there to help your loved one if they want to discuss their place in the universe with you.

 

Help with practical, everyday struggles

Sometimes all a cancer patient needs is help getting from one place to another, encouragement to attend a support group, or a friend to accompany them to a yoga class. They often may need help getting groceries or may also simply want to get out of the house for a bit. Friends and family may be most effective when they offer support in these areas.

 

There are many ways to support your loved one as they battle cancer. By bringing joy to their lives, visiting frequently, and helping with everyday chores, you can help your loved one persevere.

 

Guest post by Jackie Cortez